dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
PANTIES FOUND
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