So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Found your dick twin last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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