That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize