12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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