Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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