You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
