I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
