I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
