I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
