apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
