This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
