Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
