Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize