I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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