My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
