its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
