i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
