I should be sponsored by Trojan
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Pants are for mortals
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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