You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
