It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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