i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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