no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
That's intense
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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