we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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