you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
