Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
