I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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