I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize