dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
