I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
