I think my vagina is haunted
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
