can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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