i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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