You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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