I puked a lego.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
