I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
