you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The ass gains better be worth it
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