i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
