just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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