he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
