there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
