my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
