i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
