I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
