i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
