We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize