Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
