Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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