is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
what day is it and did you see me today?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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