i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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