Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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