...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
