I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
