they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We had to coat check the pizza.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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