I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize