After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
