oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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