perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
