My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
