you have to choose: penises or morals?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
