he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
