fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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