porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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