from now on my penis is your penis
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
