We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
