No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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