That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
