Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
