How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
