I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
