Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
